change of plans.

so. i have been thinking about writing a post for a while now. there are a few things i've wanted to say, but not sure if i should or how to say it. but i finally decided that it was a good idea.

about a week ago, i was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

and if you don't really know what that is, simply put, it's cancer.

crazy. i still haven't completely wrapped my head around this quite yet. in all honesty, i feel like i'm living someone else's life right now.

since the 11th of march i have:

had surgery, had a CT scan, a PET scan, like five doctor's office visits,

hospital visits, bone marrow taken...etc.

you know that feeling when you have giant butterflies in your stomach or knots that twist and turn inside you?
i've had that feeling quite a lot lately.

am i back home now?

yes.

am i happy about that?

no.

but this is also what i have realized:

i want to get better. i want to get back. i really want to be having fun with my friends and doing all the things i wish i was doing right now. but, if i don't come home and get treated, i won't be able to do any of that.

my brother, Zac, is a doctor and is doing his residency at Wake Forest Hospital...which is #36 in the world for cancer treatment. so, i am going to get treated there. plus, he knows the doctors so i already have a one-up on the situation.

i am not mad that i have cancer. i'm actually not sad either. i am sad, however; that i have to leave my friends, my school, my "life". but i am optimistic about the situation. and positive (most of the time). i am so unbelievablely blessed and loved. i feel overwhelmed by all the support that everyone is showing me. my ward fasted for me this past sunday, i've been informed that my name is on a few temple prayer lists, my family and friends are praying for me and people i don't even know that well are supporting me. i have had so many kind and loving messages sent my way, calls made, and visits that have shown me how much people care. i never knew people liked me that much. :)  it's such a strange, yet amazing feeling being supported by so many people in so many different ways.

i know there are a lot of things that i don't about my condition yet, but in time i will. i don't fully understand why this is happening, but i will. i don't know what this is preparing me for, but i will be ready when it presents itself. i have heard many stories about people in my same situation, or worse, who have come out victorious...and i plan to do the same. i know one day i'll be able to cross cancer off the list of trials i've overcome.

i am strong. i know this.

i am going to kick cancer's butt. you just wait.

okay. on a lighter note, good things have actually been happening to me.

like i said, i had to leave school early.

(on a side note: for anyone that is curious, i am getting to finish my classes. i am so lucky that all of my professors have been so kind. i am taking an "incomplete" and they are giving me a year to finish the course (which i mostly just have finals left since i only had three weeks of school left anyway). so now i won't have to retake my classes and i will have something to do while i am being treated.)

back to the story.

so. my roommates surprised me....along with everyone else that i know and love (almost). my roommates were being really sneaky and weird, so i asked them what was up. and they just said that i'd "find out eventually". so on sunday we had a very good church meeting, and then i took some of my favorite boys to eat dinner at the cannon center, along with my roommates. after dinner i said goodbye and then went home to take a nap.

i was woken up by hillary, who proceded to say,

 "get up. get ready. you have 30 minutes."

punk.

she didn't really say much, just that i needed to look cute because we'd be taking pictures and that i might have to take a shower afterwards? (haha, i never did have to take a shower afterwards, i just think she was trying to throw me off.) so i got ready and then laura and jenny led me to the basement of our dorm. i felt like i knew what was coming. (sorta) so the door was opened and 50+ people yelled, "surprise!!"

best. present. ever.

it's not my birthday though. it won't be for two-ish weeks.

but because i won't be here on my birthday, my roommates organized a surprise-birthday-going-away-party.

it was the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.

i got to see and say goodbye to my good friends. it was perfect.

 can you say best birthday present ever?

  

lef to right: taylor, me, angela. the two girls that should have been in our hall...or vice versa. they are pretty awesome and i can't wait to get to know them better next year. :] 

left: lewis. so glad i met him. :] right: laura, the best roommate in the entire world. i miss her so much already. i'm really going to miss the late night deep conversations we have about life in the dark. next year is going to be amazing. thank you for being such an amazing friend and support. i love you with my whole heart!

words can't express how i feel about this picture. and these boys. from left to right: b ray, me, andrew, and ryan. i feel so blessed to know these boys. i consider myself exteremly grateful to have them in my life. not only do they provide comic relief in my life, but they have been such amazingly great friends to me. i love you boys.

left: ryan. so glad that we are friends. he is the one friend i have that i know will always be honest with me. he has been there for me from the beginning and helped me through alot. not only is he a great friend, but my best friend. love you! right: andrew. haha. i haven't known andrew as long, but i count him as one of my closest friends. and even though i turned you down for marriage...;]...i still love you!

kenz: i'll miss all the interesting things you say! you are the best and i'm glad i could model for you for your class. i love you! danielle: you are so funny and kind. thanks for being so sweet and funny! i love you.



 chelly! i'm so glad i got to know you as well i as do...haha. you have great advice and have such a love of life and experiences. be a good girl while i'm gone! and we'll be neighbors in the fall! love you!

b ray. i love this boy! it took a while, but after we finally had enough "bryan and kara" time, i knew that he wasn't a punk, but a sweetheart who would become one of my best friends. he's such a great guy and if you don't know him...you're missing out. love you!

left: hillary. love this girl. i have never in my life met someone like her. she has such a strong testimony and is FULL of life. sometimes  most of the time she scares me, but i've convinced myself that that's just the "momma" side coming out of me. right: jennnnay! jenny has become one of my closest girlfriends this year. we have so many great plans for the future- living together and her visiting me in TN! she's helped me through alot. love you!

peace and blessings.

-k