refuge.

i've pondered on that for a little while.

"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt 

thou trust: his truth shall be they shield and buckler."

i think of a momma bird who has brand new little baby birds. 

she would do anything to keep her little babies safe. 

and then i think of my life. and how often have i felt like this was true for me?

how often have i felt like i was being shielded from harm? too often to recall. 

refuge. refuge. refuge. 

that word has a greater meaning to me these past few days. 

i woke up yesterday morning. i decided to check facebook, just out of habit.

my newsfeed had a common thread. the more i read, the deeper my heart sank.

i felt heavy with sadness.

an elementary school in newton, connecticut had experienced a tragedy.

i don't know this place. i don't know those teachers. i don't know those precious children.

but i don't need to. but my heart aches. tears stream down my cheeks as i say a prayer for those children, parents, and community that will never be the same. 

when did the rain become a storm? when did the clouds begin to form?

as a future elementary school teacher, i've reflected on the situation a little more than i probably normally would have. would i have been able to make that sacrifice? 

that's a question i hope in my heart i'd be able to answer with the affirmative. 

"In a world of discouragement, sorrow, and overmuch sin, in times when fear and and despair seem to prevail, when humanity is feverish with no worldly physicians in sight, I too say, Trust Jesus. Let Him still the tempest and ride upon the storm. Believe that He can lift mankind from its bed of affliction, in time and in eternity." -Jeffrey R. Holland

under His wings you will find refuge.

they are safe now.

"No matter how difficult the trail, and regardless of how heavy our load, we can take comfort in knowing that others before us have borne life's most grievous trials and tragedies by looking to heaven for peace, comfort, and hopeful assurance. We can know as they knew that God is our Father, that He cares about us individually and collectively, and that as long as we continue to exercise our faith and trust in Him there is nothing to fear in the journey." 

--M. Russell Ballard

after a not-so-good start to the morning, i receive more not-so-good news.

my dear friend Zack Alger was in an accident. my first thought was- oh, was it a fender-bender?

and then i remember- zack rides a motorcycle. 

my heart fell into the pit of stomach. 

i wanted to know more about what happened. is he okay? where is he? was he wearing his helmet?

the accident had happened only about 100 yards away from my apartment complex a mere hour before hearing the news. hillary and i were antsy in wanting to know the extent of what was going on, but we realized we were just going to have to wait.

God got to listen to me a lot yesterday.

i decided i'd go run some errands in the meantime. i got in my car and headed for the store. 

i could not, for the life of me, think of anything besides zack getting in this horrible accident. 

this past summer, i was in a car accident. i remember for weeks, i had nightmares about the "point of impact". it's not something i can explain. i think about it still and it sends chills down my spine. and then i imagine this happening on a motorcycle. 

the song i just so happened to be listening to was called "Wipe Your Eyes" by Maroon 5

"please don't lose your faith. don't worry cause i'm here to keep you safe. i promise if you let me see your face, that i wont let you down. i won't let you down." 

the tears came and i couldn't stop them. 

i sat in the walgreens parking lot in my car and prayed. 

when i came home, hillary and i looked on facebook and zack's sister, whitney, had posted this picture that brings tears to my eyes every time i see it.

the caption read: In just minutes your whole world can change. Today I am grateful for the life of my best friend. Yesterday was one of the most emotionally painful days I have ever experienced. Watching someone you love so much hurt so bad is the most awful feeling in the world. Being able to sit and hold his hand and be there for every second of anything scary is one of the greatest blessings. Every second of it was so worth it when mom finally walked through the door. All he wanted was for her to just hug him. This moment brought tears to my eyes listening to him mumble "Mom, can you just hug me?" She hasn't left his side. The last 24 hours is a blessing. Every minute, and every life is a blessing. I promised not to leave his side and to not let go. I love you Zack. (Update: still in ICU. Clavicle surgery tomorrow & still monitoring the blood in his brain. But in the words if Dr. Brian, "He is doing freakishly good". Zack, you're here for a reason.

hillary stayed in contact with whitney to get updates on how zack was doing. we woke up this morning with a text from her saying we could come by and see him! we were elated. (to say the least) we threw on some sweats and headed over to the hospital. we were both nervous that we were going to lose it once we saw him. as we walked through the door, he opened his eyes- "hillary! kara!" 

what. a. rockstar.

i grabbed his hand and squeezed it. i would have rather given him a huge hug, but all things considered this was not an option. we stayed for almost two hours chatting and being completely astonished at how well he was doing. it's truly a miracle. i hope that we'll be able to go back and visit again before he gets released, but in the meantime- 

please, keep zack and his family in your prayers. 

WE LOVE YOU, zack!

"God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it,
not without pain but without stain." - C.S. Lewis

tragedy has a funny way of bringing us together and helping us realize what's most important in life. hold the ones you love a little closer today. count your blessings. take comfort in knowing that God has a plan for each and every one of us. every day, and especially as of late, i am constantly reminded of God's hand in my life. there is not a shortage of blessings in our life. if you can't think of anything to be thankful for- just check your pulse.

i don't want to be a debbie downer- so i can share some things in my life that are happy and exciting.

i am blonde now!

life as of late has been a little more exciting as a blonde. ;) 

my hair is growing and i could not be happier- 

considering that this time last year i was almost completely bald!

i got a letter today! 

i love missionaries. 

i have been so blessed as of late. 

i just finished my first semester in the core classes of Elementary Education. i love the major that i've chosen and i know that teaching is something that i was born to do. i also got a job! i'll be working on campus at the desk in the women's issue room. my best friend Andi is moving back to provo and coming to BYU. next year so many of my missionary friends are coming home. i am so excited for the things God has in store for my life. 2013 is destined to be great. it's going to be a great year-i can feel it.

as for now, i go home in three days and couldn't be happier to spend the holidays with my amazing family.

here is something to brighten your day.

just remember- the best has yet to come.