the gift.

As I have gotten older, I've come to learn that life is hard. But I have also been blessed to realize that it is absolutely wonderful. In those hard, trying moments you discover how truly blessed you are. Or at least I have.

I have so much to be grateful for, always. But I have been especially blessed this year.

I have so much.
And this year, for Christmas, I wanted nothing more than to be with my sweet, little family.



The story of the Savior's birth is one of my absolute favorite stories of Christ's life. Everyone knows the account of Wise Men's travels to Bethlehem to meet and worship the newborn babe in a manger. I imagine that Mary must have been so scared. And thrilled. I feel like now that I have brought a life into this world, I can better sympathize with some of the emotions she was feeling. Having a baby in and of itself is wonderfully terrifying. But for that baby to be the Son of God and the Savior of the world? What an incredible job Mary and Joseph had to be the ones to bring this child into the world and raise him.

"Mary, did you know?" is one of my favorite Christmas songs. This rendition is stunningly beautiful and will leave you with chills. I have listened to it multiple times every day since I came across it. The words are so powerful.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God.

Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know?
Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know?

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.
Mary, did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
That sleeping child you're holding is the great I am.

Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know? Mary, did you know?

When you think about the Gift that the Father gave us- His Son- any other gift that we could give pales in comparison. I know that God loves us with a love that we cannot even fathom. I can't wrap my head around it. When I think about how much I love my sweet baby, I get a small glimpse of what this love is like.

The first gift was not wrapped, 

had no bow, wasn't purchased online or in a store.

The first gift of Christmas was a simple gift.

A sacred gift.

It wasn't gold, or frankincense, or myrrh.

It was a gift of love. 

and life.

and peace.

and hope.

Given by a father to all his children.

"For god so loved the world..."

And so loved you, and you, and you,

and every single one of us-

He gave His Son.

He is the Christ. 

He is Christmas.

He is the gift.

This Christmas season- 

discover the gift. 

Embrace the gift.

I hope you and yours can remember the real reason we celebrate this blessed holiday. Merry Christmas!

SIX MONTHS!

Tucker boy is 6 WHOLE MONTHS!

weight: 18.5 pounds: about 70th percentile

height: 28 inches long: 95th percentile

Holy cow, I have a six month old?!

They don’t lie when they say time flies.

At 6 months Tucker:

-lovesssss to scream. He just really likes to hear his voice. Whether it be babbling or screaming (the louder the better) he has just become really vocal!

-can roll from both sides. He doesn’t do it all the time though, just when he feels like it. (per usual)

-is so interested in everything. Doesn’t matter what the thing is- if you have it, he wants it.

-is starting to mimic sounds. I had been blowing raspberries at him and he picked it up quite well! Now he wants to do it all the time. Which means a lot more slobber J He also sounds like he is trying to say things. He will concentrate really hard and I swear sometimes it sounds like he is saying “hi” or “yeah”.

-finally likes being thrown in the air.

-is SUPER ticklish still.

-is getting tons of new, light hair! It's growing very fast. 

-loves to splash in the bath.

-still a terrible crib napper.

-sleeps really well at night.

-hardly ever sits still. He is so wild and busy!

-has yet to try a baby food he hasn’t liked!

-is recently obsessed with his feet/toes.  He will pull off his socks, too. I found him the other day with his sock in his mouth.

-is the happiest boy when he wakes up in the morning. He will just play and talk to himself until I go in and get him out of his crib.

-eats 6 or 7 ounces every four hours and 8 ounces before bed.

-loves to be in the stroller and go for walks.

-is almost sitting up by himself. He still needs some support.

-is getting stronger. I have recently started teaching him how to do the push-up position by lifting his tummy and putting him on his hands. He will lift his legs to be almost on his knees on his own! and he can hold the push up position for a few seconds.

We are traveling to North Carolina in a couple days and it will be his first big trip/plane ride and first Christmas! I am so excited for him to meet my siblings and his cousins! Since we are traveling, we didn’t want to have to bring all of our presents because it just isn’t practical, so we had “Christmas morning” today! We let him open some presents and I think he had a lot of fun! It was probably more fun for us ;) Next year will be so fun when he will be able to participate more.

Happy Half-Birthday, sweet boy! We love you!

reflections.

Being a momma is the hardest job I have ever had. people ask all the time how it is going and what being a new parent is like, and I always respond with the fact that it's so great- but exhausting. There’s nothing that can prepare you for the impact that being a parent takes on your physical body. And with that being said, there is also nothing that can prepare you for the impact of being a mother will have on your heart and whole entire soul- the kind of love you will experience. I can’t believe how much I can love such a tiny person.

I recently read an article about the “heaviness” of this kind of love. Like in the article, this love that I felt and feel is such a foreign and different kind of love. This small person that is here by the grace of God and the miracle that is pregnancy (I mean, how insanely crazy and cool is it that you can grow a person inside you?) will totally and completely change your life in every way possible.

Sometimes the love will hurt. It will hurt because maybe your small, sweet baby is crying or in pain or living in the NICU and you won’t know what to do to make it better. You will endlessly worry if they are healthy, happy, alive and breathing in their crib. This love will scare you. Because you are going to have to raise your sweet little child in a world that is increasingly dark and hurting. And one day, your small baby is going to grow up and you are going to wish that you snuggled them more or kissed their soft cheeks while they still let you. This love will surprise you. You will do things and say things that will make you look like a crazy person- all to get your sweet baby to stop crying or to laugh. This love will change you. You will turn into someone who is now eternally attached to another someone. This small, sweet baby is a part of you. Is here because of you. This love will never subside or go away. Like your small, sweet baby- it will only grow.

If I could have written a letter to myself about this time of my life (or the times that I will repeat this experience), or a letter to really any mother, these are a few things I’d want to remember:

Almost nothing ever goes the way you plan it. That doesn’t mean that because they aren’t in your plan that they will be bad. God will watch over you and make sure this baby gets here and is healthy because of your faith and trust in His plan for you. Your baby might be overdue and you might have an extremely long labor- or all in all, things might not go in accordance with your “birth plan”. You will still be alright. You might have your baby early and are going to be absolutely heartbroken when you can’t take your baby home- but realize the underlying blessing that this is. Your baby will grow to be healthy and will thrive because of the short time they will spend away from you. You are going to feel so overwhelmed with advice and information. Take it with a grain of salt- but remember there is always good advice to be taken. You might have day dreamed and envisioned the intense, close bond you will have through feeding your baby. When your baby isn’t able to make these day dreams come true, you will feel defeated and possibly like a bad mother. Others might make you feel that way, too. Just remember that people on the outside don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Your baby will thrive because he is getting fed. Whether you give him formula or sit for countless hours hooked up to a pump so that you can still feed him from your body- it is all the same. Your baby will not go hungry. You will feel so, so tired. You will turn into this person who has bags under their eyes, is wearing dirty clothes, hasn’t showered in days and can’t remember the last real meal they’ve eaten. Remember- it will get better and your baby will learn to sleep. You will learn the swing of things and will be able to prioritize and manage your time better. Always be kind to your husband. You will feel stretched thin and may not always speak kindly- always apologize and seek forgiveness. You will spend an entire day at home and feel like you have done nothing- which may very well be the case. You are raising a child. Don’t beat yourself up. Let people babysit. Nurture your relationship with your spouse because it is the most important relationship. Uplift other mothers around you. Help those in need and you will find that you’ll get much needed help in return. Trust in the Lord. He has led you to this beautiful change in your life and He will not desert you when you need it most. And remember to cherish the little moments. Snuggle your baby to sleep if you want to. They’ll have plenty of time to sleep on their own. Take these moments to memorize their long, thick eyelashes and the way they purse their lips when their dreaming. Remember the softness of their cheeks and how they put their arms behind their head when they sleep. One day you will probably forget and these moments will just be a memory of a memory. Most of all- remember that you are doing such an important work. And you are doing a good job.

I feel like I don't express enough how incredibly blessed and happy I feel to have sweet Tucker in my life. yes, being a mother means that sometimes I forget if I had breakfast or not or that maybe a ponytail and sweatpants are all I will wear for a few days, but it also means getting to soothe my crying baby to sleep or watching him learn and make progress every day. Those are moments that light my heart on fire. I thought when I fell in love with Taylor and we got married that there was no way there could be more room in my heart for anymore love than I felt at that time. And I thought that I couldn't possibly love Tay anymore than I did in those times. But bringing a life into this world together taught me that there is always room for more love. And that seeing my forever companion love this tiny human with everything in him would make me fall in love all over again. 

This is such a new and exciting journey and I am so glad to have my boys with me by my side.