change of plans.

so. i have been thinking about writing a post for a while now. there are a few things i've wanted to say, but not sure if i should or how to say it. but i finally decided that it was a good idea.

about a week ago, i was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

and if you don't really know what that is, simply put, it's cancer.

crazy. i still haven't completely wrapped my head around this quite yet. in all honesty, i feel like i'm living someone else's life right now.

since the 11th of march i have:

had surgery, had a CT scan, a PET scan, like five doctor's office visits,

hospital visits, bone marrow taken...etc.

you know that feeling when you have giant butterflies in your stomach or knots that twist and turn inside you?
i've had that feeling quite a lot lately.

am i back home now?

yes.

am i happy about that?

no.

but this is also what i have realized:

i want to get better. i want to get back. i really want to be having fun with my friends and doing all the things i wish i was doing right now. but, if i don't come home and get treated, i won't be able to do any of that.

my brother, Zac, is a doctor and is doing his residency at Wake Forest Hospital...which is #36 in the world for cancer treatment. so, i am going to get treated there. plus, he knows the doctors so i already have a one-up on the situation.

i am not mad that i have cancer. i'm actually not sad either. i am sad, however; that i have to leave my friends, my school, my "life". but i am optimistic about the situation. and positive (most of the time). i am so unbelievablely blessed and loved. i feel overwhelmed by all the support that everyone is showing me. my ward fasted for me this past sunday, i've been informed that my name is on a few temple prayer lists, my family and friends are praying for me and people i don't even know that well are supporting me. i have had so many kind and loving messages sent my way, calls made, and visits that have shown me how much people care. i never knew people liked me that much. :)  it's such a strange, yet amazing feeling being supported by so many people in so many different ways.

i know there are a lot of things that i don't about my condition yet, but in time i will. i don't fully understand why this is happening, but i will. i don't know what this is preparing me for, but i will be ready when it presents itself. i have heard many stories about people in my same situation, or worse, who have come out victorious...and i plan to do the same. i know one day i'll be able to cross cancer off the list of trials i've overcome.

i am strong. i know this.

i am going to kick cancer's butt. you just wait.

okay. on a lighter note, good things have actually been happening to me.

like i said, i had to leave school early.

(on a side note: for anyone that is curious, i am getting to finish my classes. i am so lucky that all of my professors have been so kind. i am taking an "incomplete" and they are giving me a year to finish the course (which i mostly just have finals left since i only had three weeks of school left anyway). so now i won't have to retake my classes and i will have something to do while i am being treated.)

back to the story.

so. my roommates surprised me....along with everyone else that i know and love (almost). my roommates were being really sneaky and weird, so i asked them what was up. and they just said that i'd "find out eventually". so on sunday we had a very good church meeting, and then i took some of my favorite boys to eat dinner at the cannon center, along with my roommates. after dinner i said goodbye and then went home to take a nap.

i was woken up by hillary, who proceded to say,

 "get up. get ready. you have 30 minutes."

punk.

she didn't really say much, just that i needed to look cute because we'd be taking pictures and that i might have to take a shower afterwards? (haha, i never did have to take a shower afterwards, i just think she was trying to throw me off.) so i got ready and then laura and jenny led me to the basement of our dorm. i felt like i knew what was coming. (sorta) so the door was opened and 50+ people yelled, "surprise!!"

best. present. ever.

it's not my birthday though. it won't be for two-ish weeks.

but because i won't be here on my birthday, my roommates organized a surprise-birthday-going-away-party.

it was the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.

i got to see and say goodbye to my good friends. it was perfect.

 can you say best birthday present ever?

  

lef to right: taylor, me, angela. the two girls that should have been in our hall...or vice versa. they are pretty awesome and i can't wait to get to know them better next year. :] 

left: lewis. so glad i met him. :] right: laura, the best roommate in the entire world. i miss her so much already. i'm really going to miss the late night deep conversations we have about life in the dark. next year is going to be amazing. thank you for being such an amazing friend and support. i love you with my whole heart!

words can't express how i feel about this picture. and these boys. from left to right: b ray, me, andrew, and ryan. i feel so blessed to know these boys. i consider myself exteremly grateful to have them in my life. not only do they provide comic relief in my life, but they have been such amazingly great friends to me. i love you boys.

left: ryan. so glad that we are friends. he is the one friend i have that i know will always be honest with me. he has been there for me from the beginning and helped me through alot. not only is he a great friend, but my best friend. love you! right: andrew. haha. i haven't known andrew as long, but i count him as one of my closest friends. and even though i turned you down for marriage...;]...i still love you!

kenz: i'll miss all the interesting things you say! you are the best and i'm glad i could model for you for your class. i love you! danielle: you are so funny and kind. thanks for being so sweet and funny! i love you.



 chelly! i'm so glad i got to know you as well i as do...haha. you have great advice and have such a love of life and experiences. be a good girl while i'm gone! and we'll be neighbors in the fall! love you!

b ray. i love this boy! it took a while, but after we finally had enough "bryan and kara" time, i knew that he wasn't a punk, but a sweetheart who would become one of my best friends. he's such a great guy and if you don't know him...you're missing out. love you!

left: hillary. love this girl. i have never in my life met someone like her. she has such a strong testimony and is FULL of life. sometimes  most of the time she scares me, but i've convinced myself that that's just the "momma" side coming out of me. right: jennnnay! jenny has become one of my closest girlfriends this year. we have so many great plans for the future- living together and her visiting me in TN! she's helped me through alot. love you!

peace and blessings.

-k

cruiser.

days like today make me wish for one thing..

beach cruiser.

okay, and maybe not just one thing. but a beach cruiser is definitely one of them.

some other things that would be nice:

swimming

camping

tennis

summer clothes

no school

hammocks

road trips

it was sunny and warm and pretty today.

so we took a nap outside on in the quad.

we were only outside for like 2 hours.

i got burned. on half my face. and a wide strip on my lower back.

this is basically how i "tan".

we'll see if one side of my face turns out to be "tanner" than the other. any color that i could get right now would be beneficial.

guess what?

40 DAYS.

that's how long until we're free. 

there's a lot to be done in the mean time...

peace and blessings.

-k

hey baby.

this is me:

no. this baby is not literally me.

(especially because this baby is a boy.)

but this baby's emotion is totally identical to mine.

happiness!

there are so many reasons to be happy lately.

it is 60 degrees outside. in march. and it snowed two days ago. (and it will probably snow tomorrow)

but it feels amazing.

i finished my last paper for my child development class two days ago. (it was ten pages long.) and now i don't have any more papers for that class, so this baby's expression is definitely how i'm feeling right now.

other reasons to be happy:

naps.

baking cakes.

playing cards with friends.

driving.

signing up for an apartment for spring and summer! which means new roommates!

hugs. hugs. hugs.

having good conversations with good friends.

talking about the future.

summer is on it's way.

sleeping in.

making plans.

when someone scratches the back of my head.

back massage!

blasting music in the car with the windows rolled down.

sneezing.

laughing.

i could definitely go on, but i think you get the point.

i get to be a model this weekend. (for kenzie's photography class project). it should be really fun! watch out, America's Next Top Model. ;] oh! and we're going to kneaders. and i'm not stressed out of my mind for the first time in a while. that will probably change in a week or two, but i'm going to enjoy it while i can.

peace and blessings.

kara



sweetie pie.

dear ladies and gentlemen,

i maybe, might, quite possibly, be addicted to marvel heroes gummies.

they are vitamins and are magnificent.

i feel extra super healthy all the time now.

and you know what's pretty miraculous? i have not been sick one solitary time since i've been in college.

thank goodness, because if i had, it would not have been pretty. i would need my dear sweet mother here to wait on me hand and foot and bring me juice and make me toast while i sleep all day.

that would not be able to happen here, so it's definitely a blessing that i have been healthy for so long.

speaking of healthy...

this magical shampoo is...magic.

supposedly, it's suppose to help your hair grow faster. and i'm convinced that it is going to work for me. my hair is already getting pretty long, and my roommates say it grows fast, but i'm not convinced. i'm crossing my fingers that i will have long, luxurious hair before next fall. but! i have noticed that my hair is much softer because of it! so, even if it may not work like Miracle Grow, it will keep my hair soft and healthy.

in other news...

LENT.

me, laura, andi, taylor, nellie, and probably a few others are participating in Lent.

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Lent, which comes from the Teutonic (Germanic) word for springtime, can be viewed as a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking spiritual inventory and then cleaning out those things which hinder our corporate and personal relationships with Jesus Christ and our service to him. (http://www.churchyear.net/lent.html)

so what are we giving up, you ask?

SWEETS.

and no, silly. not just cupcakes.

and no, i do not eat cupcakes often enough to give them up.

however, we figured that this would be the most challenging thing to give up.

the cannon here at BYU always has yummy desserts, so we are exercising our self control and saying "peace out!" to the sugar. i went the almost whole month of January without desserts, so if we could go the 40 days that Lent lasts, I will definitely feel accomplished. my sister-in-law Jamie pointed out that "desserts" is "stressed" spelled backward. this is so relevant and pretty funny too. but! we will not let the stress control us. we will eat carrots or celery instead!! ;] (we are, however, giving ourselves a few "breaks" instead of doing the breaks on Sunday, which is customary during Lent. we'll have a break for laura's fake birthday, my REAL birthday, and an end-of-the-school-year-celebration.)

unfredettable.

today, i was privileged enough to witness one of the best games of the season.
today, we stepped it up.
today, we dominated Wyoming 102-78.
today, i had good seats at an amazing game.
today, i was in a [giant] flash mob.
today, i yelled until my voice was gone.
today, the seniors played their last home game.
today, Jimmer Fredette, Jackson Emery, Logan Magnusson, Kyle Collingsworth and Charles Abouo (among many others) gave me chills.
today, proved how my school is not like other schools.
today, made me so very proud to be a Cougar.
today, we won...in every way possible.

(here are a few photos, and videos to make you jealous that you weren't there)

 

summer. future. and the biebs.

what's the first thing you think of when you see this picture?

SUMMER.

(or at least that's what i think of)

the weather these past couple of weeks has been so bipolar. it kinda reminds me of that song by Relient K, "High of 75" anywho. it's pretty crazy. the other day, it got so warm that i even sweated. yeah, that's kinda gross. but the fact that it was warm enough outside to make this happen is crazy. and it was still february. but then the next day it snowed. like 7 inches. then all the snow melted and it got warm again. this pattern has be consistent for a while now. however, this has put into my view the "light at the end of the tunnel"

it's march.

holy guacomole.

when the heck did that happen?

seriously. i feel like just yesterday i was graduating, laying out in the hot, dry provo heat, hot tubbing with good friends, sleeping on my friends' wyview couch for countless nights....etc. and now i'm about to finish my second semester of college.

this semester has proved to be a true stressor. there have been times when i thought i was going to pull my hair out. but even though a few tears have been shed, countless hours have been spent in the library and sleep has been lost, i have enjoyed this semester. i'm starting to realize that at the end of the day, no matter how crappy the day's been, or if i didn't the score on a test or paper that i wanted, that i am still worth something. i am important. and realizing that has helped me to feel better about myself.

i'm getting really excited about the up-coming months.

summer.

visits from friends.

moving out...moving in.

finding a job.

entering my last year of teenagerism.

fun trips.

new experiences and opportunites.

i filled out an application to work here. i think it would be a very fun job. but no worries, there will be countless other applications being filled out. i want to have as many opportunites/options as possible.

and here's when i start to get excited...

this is the camp that i attended every summer consecutively from age 14-17.

i have always, always thought being a counselor would be nothing short of amazing. sadly, the minimum age for overnight counselors is 20. but here's the good news. next summer i will be 20 along with my very good friend Andi (and Alycia, if she decides to come). we have started working out plans/wishes/goals for next summer. it might seem a little unrealistic at the moment. but i'm not just going to count it out, because it would be an opportunity of a lifetime. so. the coming months will tell with this situation. there are many details to our plan... so if things work out, a full, detailed description will be given. :]

moving on.

SO.

i feel as though i need to mention a certain someone...

and if this picture doesn't clearly show who i'm talking about, here's another little photo for your viewing pleasure...

apparently, he' a pretty big deal. he has this new 3D movie, NeverSayNever, that has become an overnight hit. i have a lot of friends who have gone to see the movie. and ALL of them have said how "life changing" and "touching" it was. so i am definitely considering seeing it...i may not have "bieber fever" just yet, but i just might become a "bielieber" sooner than later...