the wait is over.

sums up exactly how i feel.

fifty percent.

oh, hey.
i feel the need to apologize for my sub-par blogging as of late.
time to catch up.


have you ever absentmindedly thought,
"what if i got sick? (like cancer sick) i wonder if people would care? how would people react?"
what a silly thing to wonder, you're probably thinking. but i'm sure that this thought has crossed my mind more than once, before i got sick of course. and then now i wonder why i even thought such a silly thing. if anything, this thought that i once had has revealed its answer ten-fold. even now, three months into this experience, i am continuing to receive letters, messages, and well-wishes from friends, family, strangers...it's such a surreal experience.

one of the biggest changes since i last updated my blog would have to be my hair...or lack thereof. 

when my hair started thinning, i decided that i would do a short haircut to make the transition easier. i believe i had that short haircut for all of about four days. haircut on monday, shaved head by friday. the expereince was even videotaped. i don't think i've ever done anything as liberating as shaving my head. it felt good. freeing. and i enjoy my G.I Jane haircut a lot more than my short pixie cut. ironic, huh? however, as much of a liberating experience as it was, i do miss my hair. i've almost forgotten what it's like to have hair. i look back at old pictures and yearn for my luscious long locks. i know that my hair will grow back, but i'm just hoping and praying it won't take tooooo long. 

for those of you that are curious of what an everyday schedule of mine looks like, i can give you a brief run-down. every two weeks, my mom and i travel about four hours to Winston Salem, North Carolina. i get chemotherapy treatment on wednesday. we stay overnight at Zac (my brother) and Jamie's (my sister-in-law) house and then head back to the hospital the next day, and i get a shot called Neutrolast. (this shot helps keep my levels up so that my treatments won't get delayed) my mom and i then make the drive back to tennessee and the next week or so i lay pretty low. the main thing that chemo does to my body is make me tired. so i try and rest up so i can feel normal again in about a week's time. (if you're keeping up, this gives me a "good" week and a "bad" week) let's just say, i am very much caught up with Grey's Anatomy, Bachelorette, the food network, and just about every Harry Potter.

coolest little girl on the planet.

my whole entire family was here this past weekend to celebrate July 4th. it was such a great weekend getting to see everyone together. lots of time on the lake, LOTS of food, lots of Ticket to Ride. i wish the weekend could have lasted a little longer. but the time we all got together was great.

i have such a beautiful family. so blessed.

i try and keep my mind occupied with different things so that i'm not constantly thinking about my friends (who i miss more than i can convey) or Utah (where i wish i was every time i opened my eyes) but alas, my thoughts have a way of taking over and these are usually things i'm thinking about. but you know what's great? i'm HALF WAY DONE. it almost feels weird to say that. half-way through the most difficult experience i'm sure i'll ever go through. sometimes i feel like time is flying. it's been almost four months since i was diagnosed and i've been living at home now for almost that same amount of time. and then at the same time, i feel like time couldn't been moving slower. if i didn't have all of the previously mentioned great things awaiting me when i got back, i wouldn't be worried about time as much. 

but i do.

i have amazing friends who keep in touch with me every step of the way.

and i have such a loving and supportive family.

if i didn't have these people in my life, going through this journey would be a billion times harder than it is.

i have lots of things to look forward to to help pass the time.

i'm going to Canada in two weeks!

my best friend is visiting me!

my second niece is on the way!

oh, and it gets better...

my cancer is going away! that's right. i am KICKING cancer's butt. i am winning this fight. 

i know if i keep telling myself this, these next three months will fly by. 

"pain is temporary. quitting lasts forever." -lance armstrong

three months. six more treatments. it's a downhill race from here, and i'm gaining speed. 

<3