oh, the places you'll go.

long time, no blog! i feel the need to apologize for my lack of keeping this updated. life has just been so amazing, it's been difficult to find the time to find what i want to write. but i have been thinking about it for a while, so here goes...

this is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside down.

one year ago, this happened to me:

i've said it in the past, and i'll say it now, cancer did nothing short of change my life forever. i could go on forever and a day telling you about my experience and all the little details (that of which i would do if you asked). but what i've learned has come to me after this experience. my appreciation for life, for health, for family, for friends, for God. it has all been magnified times a million. not everyone has to go through a trial such as this to find these things out, but i feel like for me, cancer definitely helped me in realizing how great my life actually is.

let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

this was the day i found out about my diagnosis. 

(let me tell you, i've never had so many people like my status thus far in my life.)

i think that this is foretelling of how the next few months of my life were going to go. the support was out-pouring. it really does amaze me. i had an epiphany last week, actually. i was just thinking about the whole experience, the little details, which i don't do very often. the amount of people that reached out to me blows my mind. 

i feel like sometimes i forget. i don't want to forget. i'm not going to forget. 

       

meet kara: pre-cancer

i know i've told the story before, so i'll spare the details. but this is the first time i ever got chemo. i'd like to think that i kept this attitude the whole time. i didn't ever really doubt that i'd beat cancer. i knew i could do it. getting through it would be the hard part.

meet kara: during cancer

i'm not going to lie...i hated this haircut. i hated it so much actually, i buzzed my own head three days after i got the cut. this is the link of me buzzing my hair off, if you're interested in watching (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPYBbjwL8YA&feature=youtu.be)

G. I. Jane? you have no idea how good that felt. 

looking through these is probably one of the greatest reminders of how much people care.

(look at all those likes!)

but in all seriousness, i don't think it's possible to realize how people truly feel about you until they are put into a position to display their support. this was that for me. i had no idea people cared about me so much! also, it's really awesome to look through now and realize how fast time has passed me by. how i did this in less than a year! i'd like to think it's my greatest accomplishment.

meet kara: after cancer!

so here we are. present day. it's foreign to me to think that this whole experience has already passed me by. it's been a year since cancer and i have been acquainted. i know that this will be a life-long journey for me. i don't intend on forgetting anything. 

look how cool my life is! it's hard to believe that i can be this lucky, this blessed. 

and this isn't even half the pictures i wanted to put up. 

 

i was healed. God took my hand and led me through this entire experience. i'm more aware of His influence in my life. i have greater testimony of the fact that God loves me. i have a greater appreciation for my amazing family. i don't doubt my strength now. i am strong, and i can do anything that is placed before me. my future is bright. i am going to take hold of every experience possible and live my life to the fullest. i can't wait for the future. my life is just beginning. #winning

ready, get set, GO!

wise men still seek Him.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this things which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

Look to the Light

christmas is in twelve days.

twelve.

i remember a year ago at this time i was finishing my first semester of college. 

my, how things have changed. 

i have so much to be grateful for this christmas season, and just in general.

i know that my life has been blessed and things have been so much easier because of a Savior and Heavenly Father, who i know love me and know me and know what i am capable of.

i know i wouldn't have been tested beyond my strength and abilities. i am excited to live the life that They have planned for me. i feel like i was given a second chance. 

and i plan on taking advantage of that chance and making the most of it.

i saw this video, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

we all can be given a second chance, and i know that.

i hope that you and i can remember the real reason for this season and to "look to the light".

won.

i've been thinking about what i should write for quite some time now.

this is the fifth time i've written a second sentence. 

i just keep drawing a blank.

blank.

blank.

blank.

and then i revisited a post i did seven months ago and read this:

and it's just that. for the past seven months, it's been almost like i was living a completely separate life. i had been so rooted in what i was doing and had made all of these wonderful plans for my future. everything set up and things were just falling into place. pretty close to perfect, if you ask me. and then the sun came up and reality set in.

i've come to the realization that things like this happen when you least expect it. especially when things are going good. finding out i had cancer was a wake up call. and spending the next seven months of my life going through this experience was a reality check for me.

it'll never be me. that'll never happen to me.

that's what you tell yourself. that's the way you live your life. 

this is not me saying, however; that something bad is definitely going to happen to you if your life is going just how you want it to. but rather, that things happen when you least expect them to. that's just the way it goes.

after i was diagnosed, everything happened so quickly.

it was like- "oh, you have cancer." and then i was gone a week later.

i left everything that i had become so comfortable with.

i left my friends. i left my school. i left provo. 

i spent the next seven months doing the only thing i could-

fighting.

and i can tell you one thing...it wasn't easy. and it definitely wasn't fun.

i was sick. i was lonely. i was sad. i was hurt. i was envious. i was confused.

having cancer and diabetes is something that i shouldn't (at my age) have to worry about.

i should be worrying about what to wear to that party on a friday night, when i'm gonna get asked out on my next date, what i'm eating for dinner or when the next football game is.

it almost seems unfair.

i mean, the odds of me even getting this cancer was slim- and i still did it.

pretty interesting, huh? guess you can just call me lucky. ;]

it would almost sound like i'm bittter, right?

and trust me, i've thought long and hard about whether or not i was/am mad.

and i am not. i am not mad.

i have every right in this world to be angry at the things i've had to deal with the past few years of my life. 

but they're things i cannot change. 

today, i went to the temple with two friends. we had a lovely time chatting and sharing stories, favorite scriptures and delving into deeper subject matter as well.

one of my friends shared with us one of his favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon. he said when he was on his mission and people would ask questions such as, "Why do bad things happen?" he would refer to this:

2 Nephi 2:13- "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." 

what i get from this is, all things are working together for good. i am going to have trials. and guess what? you are too. but if you build your foundation on Christ, a sure foundation, you will not fall. 

i've thought a whole lot about my future as of late. 

i'm confident in saying that, even though i didn't get to come back home as soon as i would've liked, i am here at the right time. i've already met so many incredible people and i can't wait to meet more. things are falling into place. the big-girl-grownup-future is becoming real. i have decisions to make and boundaries to overcome, but i am thrilled to have the people i do standing by me while i make these important choices.

i am so forever grateful for everyone and everything that has helped or supported me at any time in the past year. this experience would've been so much more difficult had i not had the people who meant the most to me buoying me up. 

i looked back on that same post and saw this:

i am still working towards finding out what this experience means to me. i still don't fully understand, but i am more confident in knowing why i was "picked" to go through this. 

you know what the best part of this whole experience has been?

BEATING IT.

i win. and that's the most important thing.

i used to worry about what people would think of me when they saw me.

(and sometimes still do. but i know the people that care and matter the most aren't going to think any less of me because of this experience or how i look now.)

"oh, there's that girl who had cancer."

yeah. i had cancer. i survived. i'm a survivor.

i feel like i've been given a second chance. i'm meant to do something great. and you better believe i will.

mission accomplished.

Then sings my soul- my Savior God to thee. How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

the wait is over.

sums up exactly how i feel.

fifty percent.

oh, hey.
i feel the need to apologize for my sub-par blogging as of late.
time to catch up.


have you ever absentmindedly thought,
"what if i got sick? (like cancer sick) i wonder if people would care? how would people react?"
what a silly thing to wonder, you're probably thinking. but i'm sure that this thought has crossed my mind more than once, before i got sick of course. and then now i wonder why i even thought such a silly thing. if anything, this thought that i once had has revealed its answer ten-fold. even now, three months into this experience, i am continuing to receive letters, messages, and well-wishes from friends, family, strangers...it's such a surreal experience.

one of the biggest changes since i last updated my blog would have to be my hair...or lack thereof. 

when my hair started thinning, i decided that i would do a short haircut to make the transition easier. i believe i had that short haircut for all of about four days. haircut on monday, shaved head by friday. the expereince was even videotaped. i don't think i've ever done anything as liberating as shaving my head. it felt good. freeing. and i enjoy my G.I Jane haircut a lot more than my short pixie cut. ironic, huh? however, as much of a liberating experience as it was, i do miss my hair. i've almost forgotten what it's like to have hair. i look back at old pictures and yearn for my luscious long locks. i know that my hair will grow back, but i'm just hoping and praying it won't take tooooo long. 

for those of you that are curious of what an everyday schedule of mine looks like, i can give you a brief run-down. every two weeks, my mom and i travel about four hours to Winston Salem, North Carolina. i get chemotherapy treatment on wednesday. we stay overnight at Zac (my brother) and Jamie's (my sister-in-law) house and then head back to the hospital the next day, and i get a shot called Neutrolast. (this shot helps keep my levels up so that my treatments won't get delayed) my mom and i then make the drive back to tennessee and the next week or so i lay pretty low. the main thing that chemo does to my body is make me tired. so i try and rest up so i can feel normal again in about a week's time. (if you're keeping up, this gives me a "good" week and a "bad" week) let's just say, i am very much caught up with Grey's Anatomy, Bachelorette, the food network, and just about every Harry Potter.

coolest little girl on the planet.

my whole entire family was here this past weekend to celebrate July 4th. it was such a great weekend getting to see everyone together. lots of time on the lake, LOTS of food, lots of Ticket to Ride. i wish the weekend could have lasted a little longer. but the time we all got together was great.

i have such a beautiful family. so blessed.

i try and keep my mind occupied with different things so that i'm not constantly thinking about my friends (who i miss more than i can convey) or Utah (where i wish i was every time i opened my eyes) but alas, my thoughts have a way of taking over and these are usually things i'm thinking about. but you know what's great? i'm HALF WAY DONE. it almost feels weird to say that. half-way through the most difficult experience i'm sure i'll ever go through. sometimes i feel like time is flying. it's been almost four months since i was diagnosed and i've been living at home now for almost that same amount of time. and then at the same time, i feel like time couldn't been moving slower. if i didn't have all of the previously mentioned great things awaiting me when i got back, i wouldn't be worried about time as much. 

but i do.

i have amazing friends who keep in touch with me every step of the way.

and i have such a loving and supportive family.

if i didn't have these people in my life, going through this journey would be a billion times harder than it is.

i have lots of things to look forward to to help pass the time.

i'm going to Canada in two weeks!

my best friend is visiting me!

my second niece is on the way!

oh, and it gets better...

my cancer is going away! that's right. i am KICKING cancer's butt. i am winning this fight. 

i know if i keep telling myself this, these next three months will fly by. 

"pain is temporary. quitting lasts forever." -lance armstrong

three months. six more treatments. it's a downhill race from here, and i'm gaining speed. 

<3

quick.

oh, hey.
long...long time, no talk.


i just wanted to do a quick post to say that i haven't forgotten i have a blog.
i'm in the works of getting an update on here, and just thought i'd do a quick post and say "everything is going good."




the more drawn-out and lengthy version of this statement will be covered in full detail soon. :)

locks for love.

today.

today i cut 10+ inches of my hair off for Locks for Love.

(the picture shows the final product)

i would be lying if i said i loved it. because i don't.

being a girl, i depended on my hair to make me feel girly and pretty.

and now that most of it is gone, i don't feel that way anymore.

i had a moment where i was really upset.

and then i was having a conversation with a dear friend and she said this to me:

"two years ago i cut 13 inches of my hair off. i thought i would love it, but i didn't. it was really tough to get used to, but then i came to embrace it. you may not want to hear this now, but after everything, it will grow back. it'll be your own personal trophy walking around with beautiful hair after you get through this. :) your hair will be a daily reminder of how strong you are and how you can get through anything that comes your way!! <3"

this is exactly what i needed to hear.

truth.

‎"There are events in the future, and not very far ahead, that will require all our faith, all our energy, all our confidence, all our trust in God, to enable us to withstand the influences that will be brought to bear against us....We cannot trust in our intelligence; we cannot trust in our wealth;...we must trust alone in the living God to guide us, to direct us, to lead us, to teach us and to instruct us."

 

i'm cutting my hair something like this in the morning.

nerves. 

this one yellow flower field.

let me just start off by saying- modeling is awkward and i've never really enjoyed it.

but.

yesterday, one of my very dear friends and i had a "photoshoot". after he found out i had cancer, 

he offered to take pictures of me before my hair fell out, or before i cut it.

i have had just about every hair length imaginable.

i grew my hair really long my freshman year of highschool and then cut about 11 inches for Locks for Love.

and then i grew it out again and did the same thing my junior year.

so now, here we are. i have been "working" on growing my hair for a while now, and it has finally started to get long. 

but now, due to the circumstances, i am having to say goodbye to my long locks once more.

and what an excellent opportunity, i thought, for me to donate it. 

my ponytail is exactly 10 inches...which is the minimum length requirement for Locks for Love.

funny how things work out, huh? 

i knew from the start that my hair was going to fall out and i didn't really think much of it.

and here i sit. 

more and more of my hair is falling out each day, and it's definitely a reality check.

i know it will grow back.

but i would be lying if i said that i wasn't nervous about it.

expect some pictures of it sometime soon.

yesterday was absolutely the perfect day.

here are a few of my favorites from the day. 

thanks again, andrew. :]